mysladuše

Typical Midnight Conversation

2012-01-27T15:41:00.003+07:00

Like, somehow "Sometimes it's better left unsaid." itu ngga fair. Gimana dengan pihak yang harusnya tau jadi ngga tau?

Iya kan, sometimes we just need to know. So we can erase unimportant bad assumption.

Like, even kamu ngomong aku juga tau it won't change a thing. I just need to know why.

Yes, why that shit happens.

Kadang kita egois, merasa tau yang terbaik untuk orang lain. Menganggap tindakan kita yang paling tepat atas nama kebahagiaan orang lain. Entah apa alasannya. Kadang saya cuma ingin tau kenapa, dan ngga akan menjatuhkan vonis apa-apa. Toh sudah tidak penting lagi, karna nyatanya semuanya bisa berjalan sekarang. Tapi sekali lagi, after all this time, I will keep questioning some of them. Dan cara paling kekanan-kanakan yang masih saya lakukan untuk mencegah semua hal yang bisa membuat saya mempertanyakan hal-hal yang telah lewat, adalah memutus semua hal yang bisa menjadi pemicu percakapan kosong di otak. Seorang teman pernah bilang, "Kenapa ya engga bisa kayak komputer, klik kanan terus langsung 'delete' gitu." That, my dear, is the first world problem.

They say curiosity killed the cat, I know. But just so you know, satisfaction brought him back. :)

Mumbling

2012-01-13T11:25:00.005+07:00

It's January all over again. And your touch, all over my skin. x

Curhat

2012-01-03T20:35:00.007+07:00

Semua orang pasti pernah sakit hati. Dulu sekali, saya pernah marah, kecewa, bahkan benci gara-gara orang yang pernah dekat sama saya, tiba-tiba deket sama perempuan lain yang punya masalah sama saya. Nggak habis pikir, bisa-bisa nya orang yang dia gebet setelah saya itu orang macam itu. Dari, "Jadi saya ngga lebih baik dari cewek itu?" Sampai "Ya pantes deh dulu engga jadi sama dia, ternyata seleranya yang macam itu". Waktu liat mereka jalan, rasanya sebel, ngga rela, tapi saya sadar sepenuhnya kalau itu bukan urusan saya. Saya ngga ada hak buat marah apalagi cemburu. Akhirnya saya curhat sama salah satu teman. Waktu itu saya duduk bersebelahan sama dia.

"Kenapa ya Fad, kok aku gini. Kesel banget tau nggak?" tanya saya.
"Kamu tuh coba mikir dulu, coba diakui, kamu itu sakit hati dia tinggalin."
Deg. Saya buru-buru mengkoreksi "Ye, siapa yang sakit hati? Udah lama ini, lagian juga udah ngga suka."
"Nah, kan, tahap pertama itu, kamu harus nerima kalau kamu sebenarnya sakit hati, akuin dulu kalau kamu patah hati, gimana bisa ngelupain kalau kamu ngga mau menyadari" kata Fad, pelan tapi tepat sasaran.
Kata berikutnya yang keluar dari mulut saya adalah "Aku pinjem pundak kamu ya?" lalu larut dalam tangisan lirih.

Itu kejadian beberapa tahun yang lalu. Tapi sampai sekarang saya masih ingat, inti dari perkataan teman saya waktu itu. Kita harus mengakui dulu apa yang terjadi pada diri kita. Hal yang begitu sederhana tapi kadang kita terlalu sombong untuk menyadari kepentingannya. Menerima adalah kunci. Menerima kalau kita bisa (atau masih) sakit hati, menerima kalau kita tidak sempurna, menerima kalau kita tidak selalu kuat.

Tadi sore saya menghabiskan waktu dengan jalan-jalan iseng sama mba citra, diawali dengan menjemput mba citra di kampus fisipol, lalu parkir di basement amplaz. Setelah muter-muter mencari krim hair mask (yang gagal), akhirnya kami berhenti di KFC, makan sup krim dan minum mocha float. Setelah ngobrol ngalur-ngidul, akhirnya mulai saling bercerita tentang hubungan percintaan. Topik hubungan dengan mantan pacar pun muncul. Lalu ada satu poin yang mba citra bilang, "Mungkin karna kamu bisa ikhlas ya..." Ikhlas. Mungkin itu salah satu terjemahan dari 'menerima'. Kadang, 'masih sayang' bukan alasan untuk kita nggak suka sama pasangan mantan pacar kita. Bukan karna kita masih suka, tapi siapa sih yang bisa tahan liat orang yang nyakitin kita bahagia dengan orang lain? Jawabannya bisa jadi sangat sederhana, orang yang belum bisa menerima. Menerima kalau kita mungkin tidak lebih baik daripada orang pilihan mantan pacar kita, mungkin kita tidak lebih bisa memenuhi apa kriteria yang mantan pacar kita cari, atau mudahnya, menerima kalau memang kita tidak lebih bisa membuat mantan pacar kita bahagia.

Omongan teman saya dulu benar-benar saya pegang. Untuk memulai tahap selanjutnya, kita harus lebih dulu mengakui bahwa kita sakit. Bahwa kita tidak 'baik-baik saja'. Menerima bahwa orang ini pernah berarti buat kita. Selain itu kita juga harus bisa menerima, bahwa tidak selamanya kita bebas dari kekurangan dengan bermodalkan hati yang hancur. Setelah kita menerima dua hal itu, saatnya kita melepaskan. Melepaskan rasa sesal, melepaskan rasa sakit, melepaskan perasaan yang telah dihela. Akhirnya, terserah kita apakah memaafkan perlu dilakukan. Paling tidak, menurut saya, kita harus memaafkan diri sendiri.

Mba Citra juga bilang sesuatu tentang Karma. "Kenapa orang yang nyakitin kita malah engga dapet karma apa-apa?" Dari perkataan itu akhirnya kami merumuskan bahwa karma juga mempertimbangkan keikhlasan dan kerelaan. Satu hal tentang Karma yang saya pelajari dari seorang teman Buddhist, bahwa kita tidak pernah tau apa penyebab kemalangan yang kita terima saat ini. Karma tidak hadir dalam format apple to apple. Jika kita pernah menampar orang dua kali, belum tentu kita akan ditampar oleh orang lain sebanyak dua kali juga. Sekali lagi ini tentang menerima. Menerima karma sebagai pelajaran tentu lebih mudah ketimbang memandangnya sebagai hukuman. Mengakui ketidaksempurnaan juga salah satu cara memanusiakan diri.

"Terus aku harus gimana?" ujarku.
"Ya habis kamu ngakuin kamu patah hati, kamu baru bisa ngelupain." kata Fad yang tiba-tiba menjadi sangat bijaksana hari itu.

Bahagia Itu Sederhana

2011-12-30T23:01:00.002+07:00

Terima kasih sayang :)

Sepuluh

2011-12-17T21:14:00.002+07:00

You are here, you are real. :)

365++

2011-12-17T20:51:00.003+07:00

Mungkin selamanya aku tidak akan pernah benar-benar tau apa yang salah. Tidak pernah benar-benar tau apa kata hatiku. Aku bahkan tidak tau apa kata hati itu benar-benar ada. Sama seperti apa yang aku (coba) percaya, karma. Sama seperti agama, jodoh, takdir. Semuanya terlihat masuk akal, untuk orang-orang yang telah lelah berusaha percaya ada pilihan lain. Di satu titik, kita akan berhenti mencari. Kita akan memutar ulang semua sisa-sisa ingatan dan mencari alasan (excuses, bukan reason) agar kita bisa bebas dari rasa penasaran, dari rasa sesal, dari tanya.

Lalu buat apa?
"Aku udah lama melatih buat memilih, milih sakit hati atau enggak."
I read it somewhere; pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Mentok.

People Don't Realize This, But Loneliness is Underrated.

2011-10-23T20:47:00.007+07:00

Loneliness Meaning and Definition
--------------------------
(n.) The state of being unfrequented by human beings; as, the loneliness of a road.
(n.) A feeling of depression resulting from being alone.
(n.) The condition of being lonely; solitude; seclusion.
(n.) Love of retirement; disposition to solitude.

Don't you ever feel this? When you are about to sleep but suddenly you don't even feel sleepy then you start to think some random things? Some random things that you try to ignore for the whole day, or week. Because it hurts you and make you scared. Your room become larger, the clock become louder, and you feel... empty?

Lagi

2011-10-20T16:56:00.001+07:00

Aku kangen kamu, dan segala rumusan-rumusan kita untuk hal-hal rumit agar menjadi lebih sederhana (yang nyatanya makin membingungkan diakhir dan yang bisa kita lakukan cuma mentertawakannya). Aku kangen kamu, dan segala kesederhanaan akan definisi bahagia. Cukup kamu aku dan imajinasi kita tentang masa depan. Aku kangen kamu, dan semua rasa yang diam-diam aku kirimkan lewat doa. Aku kangen kamu dan keadaan yang tak menistakan sepi. Diam diantara kita bukan berarti apa-apa tapi kenyamanan.

Aku kangen kamu, jadi, kapan kita bisa bertemu?

Kamu pasti tau, ini untuk kamu.

Bathroom

2011-10-18T21:43:00.002+07:00

Kamu pernah ingin bunuh diri?

Memotong urat nadi, lompat dari lantai dua pulu satu, minum arsenik, atau mencekik leher sendiri. Apa saja bisa, aku dengar ada yang bunuh diri dengan mengurung diri diruangan yang penuh dengan gas beracun. Ada-ada saja, ah aku ingat aku membacanya dari komik detektive conan (soal bunuh diri dengan mengurung diri diruangan penuh gas beracun) Kamu mungkin bertanya, kenapa ingin bunuh diri? Beberapa hari yang lalu aku iseng browsing tentang artis-artis korea. Bosan dengan usahaku membedakan wajah masing-masing anggota girl band (kata temanku bedanya yang satu lebih tinggi dari yang lainnya, persetan, toh mereka semua memakai high heels) aku malah mencari tau tentang fenomena artis dan orang-orang penting korea yang bunuh diri. Dari mantan presiden hingga anak pemilik perusahaan raksasa macam samsung. Dari pemain drama tv hingga model kelas dunia. Rata-rata penyebabnya karna tidak kuat menghadapi tekanan hidup. Ada yang ketahuan korupsi, ada yang dilarang berpacaran dengan lelaki pilihannya, ada yang muak dijadikan budak seks agensinya, ada juga yang merasa hidupnya tidak lagi berarti walaupun bergelimang harta dan ketenaran. Yah, tapi toh itu semua diketahui dari sisa-sisa surat yang ditinggalkan, atau penuturan orang (yang mengaku) terdekatnya.

Coba kau bayangkan, anak bungsu dari pemilik perusahaan raksasa macam samsung, sedang kuliah di New York, tinggal di apartemen pribadi di Aston, menjadi salah satu dari 5 wanita terkaya se-Korea (tiga dari empat sisanya adalah Ibu dan saudara perempuannya) lalu dikabarkan mengalami kecelakaan mobil dan meninggal. Orang tuanya lebih memilih untuk menyuruh juru bicara Samsung untuk memberi keterangan pers, sampai kemudian diketahui bahwa sebenarnya dia mati bunuh diri, di apartemennya, dini hari. Orang tuanya tidak datang dipemakamnnya yang bertempat di salah satu pemakaman di NewYork, karena di tradisi korea, orang tua tidak diperbolehkan datang ke pemakaman anaknya yang belum menikah. Kenapa si anak bungsu belum menikah saat kematiannya? Karna ayahnya melarangnya menikahi lelaki pilihannya. Tragis. Pantas film korea bisa sebegitu membiusnya, bahkan drama tak bisa dipisahkan dari kehidupan sehari-hari.

Ada lagi, artis cantik yang terakhir terlihat muncul di red carpet dan melakukan promo film barunya (yang kemudian tayang setelah dia meninggal) ditemukan bunuh diri di apartemennya, dengan meninggalkan berlembar-lembar surat. Isinya? Nama-nama orang yang telah menyiksanya selama dia bekerja di industri perfilman korea. Ada 30 nama, dan awalnya kepolisian sama sekali tidak bertindak. Setelah mantan manajernya membuat pengakuan ke publik yang kemudian menyeret nama direktur agensi (dimana artis tersebut bekerja) baru kemudian polisi mengusut kasus ini. Belakangan si manajer juga mencoba bunuh diri, karna takut menghadapi reaksi pers dan publik (serta tentu agensi nya) atas apa yang telah dia katakan.

Tau Karl Lagerfeld? Model korea satu ini pernah menjadi salah satu muse nya. Pernah menjadi cover majalah Vogue dan sejenisnya. Tampil anggun dengan rambut hitamnya, dan menawan setelah mengecat pirang rambut panjangnya. Penyebab bunuh dirinya tidak benar-benar aku ketahui. Tapi dari blog nya, kebanyakan bercerita tentang kesepiannya ditengah hingar bingar kehidupan jet set nya. Memilih Paris daripada Seoul, serta disinyalir suka menyakiti diri sendiri. Loneliness could really kill you huh?

"Kenapa ya, mereka memilih bunuh diri?"

"Karna kan orang sana ngga punya agama, jadi gampang aja bunuh diri"

I heard it somewhere, die is easy, life is difficult.

Kamu pernah ingin bunuh diri?

Aku pernah. Bukan karna putus asa, bukan karna disiksa sampai berpikir tak ada lagi jalan keluar, bukan karna kesepian sampai merasa tak ada lagi kegunaan untuk tetap hidup.

Lalu kenapa? Kamu tak takut mati lalu masuk neraka?

Takut mati? Semua orang pasti pernah di fase takut mati. Jadi bukan itu yang menjadi pertimbangan. Setelah mati, itu yang menjadi pendorong keinginan. Pernahkah kamu berpikir, apa jadinya duniamu tanpamu? Orang-orang terdekatmu, reaksi mereka, siapa akan bagaimana? Kamu mengerti maksudku?

Apa yang akan terjadi, saat kau benar-benar tidak ada, dan orang-orang macam apa yang akan benar-benar menangisimu sampai bertahun-tahun, atau yang hanya mengucap turut bersedih. Bagaimana reaksi orang-orang yang pernah mengecewakanmu, atau orang-orang yang begitu kau cintai tapi saat kau hidup lebih banyak menyia-nyiakanmu. Apakah mereka akan menyadari kekosongan hati mereka, atau hanya merasa kesepian sementara. Lalu apakah orang-orang yang memendam sesuatu darimu akan menyesal karna tak sempat mengaku, atau malah bersyukur tak harus bertemu lagi, selamanya. Kamu mungkin sekarang berpikir aku sudah gila. Bunuh diri itu dosa, berpikir untuk melakukannya juga tentu dilarang.

Kamu pernah ingin bunuh diri?

Atau memang sisi manusiamu telah mati? Tergantikan janji-janji surgawi, tertutup egoisme pembenaran atas kesalahanmu atas nama pendirian teguh.

Kalau kau tak kunjung menjawab, akan kuganti pertanyaannya.

Kamu pernah berpikir kalu kamu bisa saja menjadi alasan orang ingin bunuh diri?

Little Things

2011-10-17T19:36:00.003+07:00

Beberapa minggu belakangan ini aku sering sakit. Dari sakit tenggorokan (yang ternyata berujung pada radang dan diikuti dengan infeksi) berlanjut demam dan sakit kepala. Beberapa hari lalu aku juga sakit gigi, sudah biasa, mungkin karna memakai kawat gigi. Terakhir sepertinya radang tenggorokanku kumat lagi. Ah, aku bahkan tidak tau apakah radang tenggorokan itu kambuhan. Saat sekolah dasar sampai SMA, aku jarang sekali bolos sekolah karna sakit.

Kenapa ya? Bukan, bukan kenapa aku jarang sekali bolos sekolah karna sakit, tapi kenapa akhir-akhir ini aku sering sakit, atau bisa dibilang tidak benar-benar sehat. Karna tenggorokanku rasanya seperti ditusuk-tusuk duri dan demam dipagi hari biasanya bermula karna tidur terlalu larut atau kecapekan. Agak repot juga, padahal aku sudah mengurangi minum minuman dingin. Menyebalkan.

Ah aku bilang apa sih. Aku cuma mau bilang terimakasih. Pada ayah dan aji. Yang mengurusiku ditengah kerepotan mereka. Dan pada alam semesta, yang mengingatkanku untuk mensyukuri momen-momen kecil, seperti makan es krim.

BAR

2011-10-16T00:09:00.001+07:00

Bintang-Ajityo-Roi

D

2011-10-08T21:37:00.003+07:00

Kamu sudah punya tempat disini. Jangan kemana-mana, nanti aku rindu. Bukan, bukan ragu, aku rindu. Sungguh, untuk apa aku ragu, kamu kan selalu disitu. Disini, bersamaku maksudku. Ah, kamu kan sudah disini. Iya kan?

2011-10-08T21:27:00.001+07:00

"Nobody takes pictures of something they want to forget"

- Robin Williams in 'One Hour Photo'

Little Escape

2011-10-07T21:15:00.004+07:00

Macet, hujan dan kadang hanya mendung. I don't know but dua kali ke Bali selalu disambut hal-hal tadi. Summer? I didn't meet her.

Cicing!

Lagi sarapan di restoran hotel tiba-tiba ada upacara. Foto dulu boleh kali ya :D

Jadi.......... Zebra itu hitam belang putih, atau putih belang hitam?

Wherefore art thou?

2011-09-08T15:41:00.002+07:00

"They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other."

Virgo. x

2011-08-19T14:34:00.002+07:00

"When nail grows, we cut nails, not the Finger. So when EGO grows, cut the EGO , not the relationship." Happy 6 months. :)

Freeday

2011-08-19T12:48:00.007+07:00

Dokumentasi ESB di wisuda FEB-UGM Agustus 2011, congratulation senior!

Recent Update

2011-07-26T20:43:00.004+07:00

"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair."

"Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else."

"Birth and death are a part of a whole. It is why we are drawn to babies... And to funerals."

"Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know."

"No life is a waste, the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone."

"There are no random acts. that we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind."

"Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them."

"...each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."

-The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Morning Attack

2011-07-25T09:42:00.003+07:00

Mereka bilang cinta itu buta. Lalu ada yang meralat katanya bukannya buta tetapi memilih untuk tidak melihat. Buat saya cinta itu melihat, menerima, dan mengambil resiko. Untuk apapun. Untuk bersama atau untuk menyadari ada saatnya melepaskan. Tapi toh akhirnya semua definisi yang susah payah dibuat akan terbentur satu bentuk kenyataan sejati: kamu tidak lebih tau dari alam semesta. Jadi saat alam semesta memiliki kebijaksanaannya sendiri, kamu akan tau, kamu hanya sedikit lebih besar dari pojok ruangan itu.

Sign

2011-06-16T00:49:00.001+07:00

Underrated

2011-06-13T10:38:00.001+07:00

Vocabulary

Friend: A friend is, simply, someone your like. (It's not the same as a 'boyfriend' or a 'girlfriend.') And, usually, a friend is someone who likes you, too. If there is someone in your life you can call when you need help, or when you're having a bad day, that person is probably your friend.

Enemy: Is there anybody you really don't like? Someone you would hurt if you could? Someone who would hurt you if he or she could? That person certainly isn't a friend of yours! They're an enemy. Enemies are people who don't like each other so much that they're ready to hurt each other. Enemy is also the word we use for 'the other side' in a war. If the 'Blue Team' is fighting a war against the 'Red Team,' then the 'Red Team' are their enemies.

Acquaintance: An acquaintance is someone you know—maybe not well, but you know them—but you're not friends. You're not enemies, either. You just know this person.

We Are All Stardust

2011-06-12T10:46:00.004+07:00

photo from somewhere on google

"Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star that your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn't be here if stars hadn't exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren't created at the beginning of time. They were created in nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today."
-Lawrence Krauss

Don't you think; "You are all stardust" is the sweetest logical sentence you've ever read? ♡

{}

2011-06-10T23:34:00.004+07:00

Boyfriend is back to town, after his short little trip with his sister in Phuket, Thailand. I'm so freakin excited to meet him. So, I picked up him at Lempuyangan station at around 4pm, then we went to such a short date, from Malioboro Mall to Ambarukmo Plaza. I miss him so much I can't describe :')

Surprisingly he bought me some nice souvenirs from Thailand, a cute t-shirt with cool packaging and Manchester United's jersey! FInally we have this so called "kaos couple" No? Ok, well :p

By the way, I have several things I love lately. First, I'm in instant in love with the new twitter for mac. I can tweet like every second :D Second, just now, I drank Tipco veggie Broccoli & Mixed fruit juice and oddly, it's taste good!

Drama - End

2011-05-30T16:03:00.008+07:00

Well, a couple days ago, my friend ask me an awkward question. Something I think he has nothing to do with the answer.

"Dhe, may I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

"Are you and him okay?"

"Well, yeah, why?"

He didn't answer my following question. He back to his blackberyy doing something I don't know. And I stop there. I don't need to know why if he won't answer it. Great that I gave him my short and simple answer too. My friend does't need to know what truly lies in my head lately. How it will be so hard for being cool to him since I know a lot of thing I didn't know before. And that's, sucks.

When I believe in someone, I'll believe him/her with all my heart. If someone said that he/she is on my side, I'll support them till death. But once you break my trust, it's like, I don't give second chance. We can be cool and talk normally. But not in my brain. Well, people say, I LOVE YOU are eight letters, so does BULLSHIT right?

Such a big relief when finally I talk to my boy friend about those shitty things. I could guess what will he say. Well, we may have different opinion like in every subject, but I do really need his words. Something that makes me stay on the ground. :)

Typical ♥

2011-05-23T13:21:00.004+07:00

Kata apa yang diawali dengan huruf K diakhiri dengan huruf N? 6 huruf tidak kurang tidak lebih. Cukup nyata menggambarkan perasaanku padamu. Terakhir kali bertemu lalu tiba-tiba ada yang bilang kalau kamu pergi jauh. Aku cuma tertawa, itu tipikal kamu. Pulang pergi tak pernah pamit. Bahkan meninggalkan kode pun tidak. Mungkin itu niat baikmu, tau aku tukang khawatir nomor satu, yang pasti akan merecoki dengan sejuta pesan. 'Jangan lupa ini itu...' 'Tuh kan ketinggalan apa aku bilang...' 'Kamu butuh apa lagi?'

Terlalu lama bersama, dengan ajaibnya kita masih mengenal jeda, spasi, yang kata orang membuat semua lebih bermakna. Aku begitu mudah percaya pada orang lain yang baiknya luar biasa padaku. Kamu, yang tak pernah menghakimi tapi juga tak menjerumuskan. Empat belas tahun dan semua memori yang ada masih tersimpan baik ditengah tawa.

Kapan ya aku tertidur disampingmu lagi setelah lelah bergosip sesorean? Atau aku buru-buru mandi supaya ibumu tidak perlu repot-repot mengingatkan? Kemudian kita diam tanpa canggung. Rasanya, damai, hal paling rumit yang kita pikirkan cuma bagaimana reaksi mantan-calon-pacarku yang kamu kerjai habis-habisan. Atau apa yang akan mantan pacarmu lakukan jika tau aku yang mati-matian meyakinkanmu kalau kali ini kalian harus benar-benar putus. Semua tampak lebih sederhana sekarang, disaat kita berharap waktu bisa dibeli.

Sampai kita benar-benar bertemu lagi ya?

With love, your 14 years girlfriend.

Discard

2011-05-23T13:06:00.003+07:00

'Kemana semua itu?'
'Jangan ditanya, terwujudpun sia-sia.'
'Tak ada yang benar tak ada guna.'
'Ada, mengingatmu menghabiskan waktuku.'

Well, in the end, the fact is, you choose your self over us. That's explain everything, every single damn thing. I will never forget your betrayal.

Sincerely, your favorite libra.

Drama

2011-05-18T02:11:00.003+07:00

You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God's sake!
(The Holiday, 2006)

Semua orang pernah punya peran sbg 'numpang lewat satu'. Kamu memang disitu. Tapi coba melaju, kamu akan tau, masih ada definisi nomer satu. Kita, manusia, selalu mengira-ngira. Beberapa merelakan waktu yang terbuang, beberapa memilih untuk mengambil keputusan secepatnya. Menghargai proses bukan berarti menjadi pasrah. Merelakan yang sudah lewat bukan berarti melupakan penghinaan. Selama ini cuma bisa mendengus kalau orang bilang "lebih baik mendengar kenyataan pahit daripada harus dibohongi dengan manis". Terlalu dramatis, melankolis. Sialnya, hal ini terlalu nyata untuk ditepis.

Friends Are Like Eyeglasses 2#

2011-04-24T12:09:00.004+07:00

Little reunion at Pipit and Ucan's birthday dinner. Taken place at "Kepiting Dogen" near Kaliurang street. We talked, we shared, and we laughed..... at each other. Such a fun night after did some survey for my campus upcoming event. I came late, but didn't miss any food :p

Happy birthday, best wishes Pipit & Ucan! xx

Photos are from Bon's camera. I just give them lil treatment in photoshop ;p

2nd. Your warm hug.

2011-04-21T09:26:00.002+07:00

"Virgo will show you how to be a better person"

"When a Virgo criticizes you, understand they are reflecting their insecurities onto you" :P

Sweet Things

2011-03-21T13:25:00.004+07:00

Kau bagaikan berlian yang silaukan mata
Dan hati untuk sesaat, sementara
Biarkan ini semua berjalan apa adanya
Rasa ini milik kita

Dan kita berdua melewati saat-saat indah, nikmati bersama
Mungkinkah dirimu rasakan cinta antara kita berdua

Remember, I want to be your sweet girl, and I'm trying my ass off. I know you love my imperfection, but still, I want you to be proud of me :)

A Semi Colon A Close Bracket

2011-03-20T15:30:00.008+07:00

Masih ingat waktu pertemuan kita seringkali berakhir diam? Karna aku tenggelam dalam kebimbangan, dan kamu berusaha untuk menahan rasamu. Masih ingat saat telepon tengah malammu selalu penuh dengan tawaku? Mentertawakan kegetiran kita, berusaha mencari sela tawa dalam setiap helaan nafasmu. Masih ingat ketika kita sama-sama melewatkan hari dengan berkomunikasi melalui tulisan singkat ditelepon genggam? Asal kamu tau aku selalu menyimpan senyum setiap membaca balasanmu, menyimpan debar saat kau tak kunjung membalas.

Semuanya kulakukan diam diam. Bahkan pada hatiku sendiri. Aku menyembunyikannya aku tak jujur bahkan pada diriku sendiri. Kita semua tau alasannya.

Lalu kamu selalu disitu. Tidak lebih tidak kurang. Kamu yakin posisimu benar. Kamu tidak terlalu dekat untuk menghancurkan air mataku dengan punggung tanganmu. Tidak terlalu jauh untuk membuatku sulit sulit mencarimu. Kamu disitu, siap untuk menangkapku jika aku akhirnya memberanikan diri untuk melompat.

Aku tau, kamu disitu tidak selamanya, kamu mungkin akhirnya berbalik pergi, dan aku akan tetap berpegangan pada ranting rapuhku, menunggu untuk akhirnya dengan beban yang semakin berat, patah, dan membiarkanku melayang sebelum akhirnya jatuh berdebam, sendirian. Tapi bukan karna itu aku memilih untuk melepaskan peganganku. "Mumpung" tidak ada dikamusku. Aku percaya, semua yang memang seharusnya terjadi, akan terjadi, tidak mengenal ruang maupun waktu.

Lalu ketika aku tidak mampu lagi menjadi beban, aku melepaskan diri. Sebelum sama-sama hancur atas nama kebiasaan. Harus ada yang berani disalahkan, dan itu aku. Tak apa, toh tuduhan tak akan membunuhmu.

Kamu menemaniku membebat lukaku. Berulang kali menawarkan bantuan untuk berdiri, aku masih menolak, aku tidak percaya aku sudah siap, untuk jatuh lagi. Dan kamu tetap disitu. Menunggu dengan sabar. Memberikan perlindungan bahkan tanpa aku minta. Beberapa kali kamu meyakinkanku kalau aku bisa, kalau kamu akan tetap disitu. Aku sampai menangis menolaknya. Aku masih sama lemahnya, sama manjanya, sama takutnya. Kamu bilang, aku tak mungkin tak jatuh, karna itu wajar. Tapi tidak akan berserakan, tidak akan hancur hanya karna sakit.

Entah karna kamu atau memang aku yang sudah lelah menangisi diri, aku menaruh kepercayaanku padamu. Setelah melewati tangis dan sakit, hingga detik ini, aku masih percaya, kamu akan memperlakukanku dengan benar, dengan caramu. Aku masih percaya, setelah semua geram dan luka, kamu akan memelukku kencang dan meredam.

Masih ingat saat kamu berjanji untuk tidak akan membuatku menangis? Dan masih ingatkah kamu ketika untuk pertama kalinya aku menangis didepanmu? Aku masih ingat. Kamu menyesal, dalam. Tapi jangan lupa, saat kecupan singkat dariku memberi debaran yang berbeda untuk kita. Kita.

Tetesan air dijendela mobilmu - aku merasakannya lewat telapak tanganku yang kutempelkan dijendela - memberi perasaan nyaman. Sampai akhirnya kamu menggenggam tanganku, lebih nyaman lagi, lebih dalam dari sekedar nyaman, kamu nyata, kamu memberi harapan.

"I don't want to be your whole life, just your favourite part." - :)

16211

2011-03-12T20:53:00.003+07:00

I always wanted to be your perfect and lovely girl. Your biggest missing puzzle piece. Your favorite candy bar. Your everything. And your smile, worth million tears. Mark that. <3

GG & F

2011-02-04T21:00:00.002+07:00

Here we go, some pictures from my first night in Jogja after a short holiday trip in Bali.

My Gay-Friend

♥The Love Bird♥

Favorite Thing and Person ♥

Exactly

2011-01-24T13:02:00.000+07:00

“I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making it look my whole life is revolving around some guy. But loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”

-Before Sunset

So true.

2011-01-23T21:37:00.000+07:00

Amusement Park, Roller Coaster

2011-01-21T22:03:00.004+07:00

I'm so going to hurt my self, very very soon. Just so make me feel I'm still alive.

You was joking. All the time. You told me that you were kidding, right after I cried, after another heart break.
And now, when I try to think that you're just kidding, you make another heart break, by your i'm-not-just-saying. So what should I do?

Well, I think buy another band aids would be wise.
I still believe, time heals, even trauma, and shock.

I'm homeless, wish the holiday isn't over until I get one.

PS: College is another story to skip. Bismillah.

I'm Breaking My Own Promise

2011-01-11T18:09:00.005+07:00

I'm a fucked up mis-behave libra. And impulsive one.
All I did was hurting you. Every love I gave to you, every kiss we made, are just another postponed shot. I read your confession. About how hard is it for you to move on. That it's not easy to love someone else since I was the one for you. See? Even though I'm not there, I still give you another shot. Memory wouldn't kill. Trust me. It is you. I'm an impulsive cold-hearted bitch, if this fact help you to get over me, so believe it. By the way, is it me, you really want to get over, or your expectation of me?

You know what? Even so we're not together anymore, sometimes you're still affecting every single decision that I made. That's not healthy, that's not right. But, the good thing is, it's not because my feeling for you. The romantic thingy is over, you already have different character in my book of life. The reason is: I'm afraid to give you another pain, another sorrow. I'm tired become someone's cup of misery.

I'm already drowning in the lake of fake, and you were late to rescue me. That's, what happened between you and me, the old us.

What I Feel, Right Now

2010-12-23T23:47:00.000+07:00

You want to know what happiness is? It's waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone's shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than this.

2010-12-21T19:38:00.000+07:00

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.

Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.

Joel: Okay.

Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

Your Words and How It Works To Me

2010-12-06T15:47:00.004+07:00

Kali ini aku yang minta tolong. Bantu aku, melepaskanmu. Aku dan kamu sama-sama serapuh kaca. Dan tidak saling menyenggol mungkin cara yang paling tepat untuk tetap berwujud. Kamu tau? Seberapa berat usahaku untuk memoles semua baret luka yang pernah tergores? Seberapa cantik diriku sekarang bukan berarti sakit itu tidak pernah ada. Mereka tertimbun dalam realita.

Buktikan kalau sayang itu bukan cuma kata-kata. Berusahalah sekuat tenaga. Bantu aku, karna aku disini mati-matian memperjuangkan kenyataan.

"Oh, is it love?"

2010-12-05T12:06:00.000+07:00

Oh! It is love!

Hellogoodbye

2010-11-28T10:23:00.002+07:00

Hmm. Hei. Hello.
Well, I have a lot of story to tell. But eemm... I'm not ready yet. Hehe. :$
Bye! X

32

2010-11-14T15:09:00.003+07:00

I still have these memories,
But we'll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?

So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.

Words

2010-11-14T13:34:00.004+07:00

McKenzie: [drunk] So do you have a boyfriend?

Summer: No.

McKenzie: Why not?

Summer: Because I don’t want one.

McKenzie: Come on; I don’t believe that.

Summer: You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?

McKenzie: Are you a lesbian?

Summer: [laughing] No I’m not a lesbian. I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.

McKenzie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Summer: Really?

McKenzie: Nope.

Summer: Ok, let me break it down for you–

McKenzie: Break it down!

Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

McKenzie: You’re a dude. [to Tom] She’s a dude!

Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love?

[she scoffs]

Tom: What?

Summer: You don’t believe that, do you?

Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.

Say

2010-11-13T12:10:00.003+07:00

Weird.

I feel like alone in the middle of pouring rain. I loss my umbrella. I close my eyes, feeling nothing but darkness. I cover my eyes, hear nothing but quietness. Blank. I try to enjoy it.

But then, I realize something, I feel the coldness but not the water. Odd. I'm not getting wet, I feel warmth around me. I open my eyes, there is someone who gives me his jacket. Standing next to me, freezing. I don't know how long he's been there.

He's now holding my hand. Even so, sometimes, I still feel the same coldness just like when I loss my umbrella. I know I don't need that umbrella again since someone already gives me his jacket. Maybe I just miss it. Well, time heals.

Hear Me?

2010-11-10T11:51:00.000+07:00

Memories Are Beautiful Yet Hurts To Remember

2010-11-09T11:15:00.004+07:00

"Gotta fix that calendar I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be"

People know nothing but talk like they know everything about you and me. "Are you sad, Dhe?" More, I'm the one who running this 2 years and 7 months relationship "Why are you smiling over and over?" Because this is all I can do, I was crying for a long time, you just don't know. "You are the one who want this, you shouldn't sad by this, he, should" Who want this? This is disaster, He was like my everything and facing a fact that we can't be together is the worst.

Please, if you guys are sad about this, I was like, suffering.

For you, I love you, and for the first time of my life, I'll make a promise to you, I will always love you, for-like-ever. Every laugh, every tears, I'll never regret this. We're not leaving each other, right? We are moving on, in to the place called reality, we are going to be a better person.

If you love someone until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. You've proved me that, wish I can do the same thing to you.

With love, D.

Let's Get Lost - A Sneak Peak

2010-10-28T23:44:00.002+07:00

Tanya (?)

2010-10-27T20:53:00.009+07:00

Mereka bilang, yang namanya soulmate itu cuma satu. Orang dewasa bilang, suami/istri adalah soul mate kita. Anak remaja bilang pacar itu udah jadi bagian hidup. Mereka bilang jodoh itu cuma Tuhan yang tau. Adam bilang rusuknya adalah Hawa.

Bagaimana kalau soul mate itu bukan cuma 1? Pernah terpikir tidak kalau rusuk adam terpecah jadi banyak, dan menjelma jadi yang namanya sahabat? Suami, istri, pacar, mereka semua dibilang jodoh. "Hidup ku tidak lengkap tanpamu" Kata mereka. Buat saya, yang namanya soul mate, lebih dalam maknanya dari sekedar pelengkap. Mereka bersama saya.

Pernah merindukan sesuatu? Atau seseorang? Saya sendiri saat ini merindukan keadaan, atmosphere, dan semuanya yang tidak akan tercipta kalau bukan tanpa mereka. Pernah bosan makan nasi? Lalu mencoba makan roti? Rindu saya kepada sahabat-sahabat jiwa saya, lebih dari kerinduan orang Indonesia yang merantau ke negeri orang akan sumber karbohidrat yang itu. Kangen saya untuk mereka tak terdefinisikan.

Orang bilang rindu itu abstrak. Saya bilang rindu itu menyiksa. Tapi kamu tetap cuma bisa bilang rindu, karna untuk bertemu belum tepat waktu.

Teruntuk kamu, saya juga memikirkanmu, tapi bukan sekarang saatnya bilang kangen padamu.

foto: Shaddam Hasan's, Bintang Mustika's, Mine.

R-W-W

2010-10-25T17:45:00.003+07:00

So, I started to write about you, listen to your favorite song, take more and more photos of you...... This is not right. Moreover, you started to freaking me out, you make me mad. For something I shouldn't, something I have nothing to do with.

Please, stop being nice to me, stop make me laugh whenever I'm with you, stop make me smile by your unimportant text, stop make me wait for your late call. This is irritating, knowing what have you done is wrong, and you just can't make it right. More heart beat to hear, more buzzing to come. I'm such a cold hearted bitch. I'm just seeking for my own piece of mind, don't tell me yours.

Keep on buzzing people, I'm using my headphones ;)

"You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?" -Summer

Listen

2010-10-11T18:15:00.003+07:00

For me, a song is like a photo. It brings you a lot of stories, freeze precious moments, and bring you back the memory just by listening.

Sometimes, the lyrics describe your deepest feelings, and it's always amaze me how a piece of lyrics really suit some situations. And it smacks you right in the heart, makes you feel ashamed and relief in the same time, randomness attack.

In other case, the one who sings with you, who makes a song become your favorite lullaby. Time machine. Just like a piece of photo, when you see it, you can gaze someone's smile, and imagine the rest.

"Some song just bring out the best memories don't they?"

Sometimes you just fall in love with a song, without knowing why, wether it's the melody or lyrics, or even the story. That's also happens when I see some pictures. Unspoken words speak loud.

Maybe, this is why I fall for musician easily ;)

Let's Find A Beautiful Place To Get Lost

2010-09-06T22:56:00.005+07:00

From Dad's camera:

Happy Holiday! ♥

29

2010-08-14T13:47:00.008+07:00

Is it love?

"Kamu kok mau sih, jemput aku malem-malem, naik motor, hujan-hujan, trus kaki kamu masih sakit lagi." "Ya engga pa-pa" *shoot, another very simple answer that not simple at all* "Biar bisa dipeluk?" I was laughing and hug him thigh while he drive his motorcycle "Bukan, soalnya aku mencintaimu" Silent.

Maybe you were joking, but, that's sweet. And it means A LOT.
A very simple thing you do, every simple reason you give, in your simple way, that, not simple at all for me.

Yesterday, the rain make our clothes sweat. It was a cold night. And I was wearing your jacket. I know you were freezing, and I feel better when you take my hand and say "Wah, kamu hangat!" You don't know how was your word warmed my heart, as always.

Happy 14th, until we meet again. Xx

Confuses

2010-08-12T10:06:00.004+07:00

It feels weird when dreams are better than reality.
But you can't help but smiling.
Dream is your sweet escape.

Just like reality and dream,
most of the time, I can't separate what I want, and what I believe.

I started with my full young and restless ego.
"I can stand by my self, my own choice, my own belief!"

Day by day, it started to confuse me.
I've tried my best to make something happen, or I push my self to believe what I want to believe?

Cold.
When I meet my question, it smack me hard, right in the face.
It coldness freeze me, give me a shot, bring me back to the world that I belong, world of Memories & will.

Everything is not fine.
It is not until you finally really See me.
Until you realize it's not that simple.
Let's figure it out, before you found me drowning, in the lake of fake.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of this mildness atmosphere of us.
Which one is the illusion?

2010-08-10T17:18:00.001+07:00

Sweet Escape

2010-08-08T17:34:00.006+07:00

Me & my nice friends :)

It was awesomely tiring yet challenging. J town is cruel you know, haha. Thank you Roi, Toni & Akbar, love ya'! Xx

28

2010-07-15T20:27:00.003+07:00

Every laugh, every cry, every smile, every tears, every hug, every fight, every kiss, every silent...... I wish I will never regret these.
Thanks universe, for this whole amazing moments.

A Little Trip Close To Another Journey

2010-07-13T19:48:00.021+07:00

Hi, well, I don't have any interesting story neither photos, but I do really want to post something. Tee-hee :D

By the way, just a couple of week ago me and my college friends went to Kaliurang, here are several photos taken in the inn and forest :D

photo of me taken by Bon-bon.
It was a tiring and heart breaking day, but uh well, we need to move on from everything bad huh?
"memories are beautiful yet, hurts to remember"

ps: more to come, this sickness is............... annoying.

For You : wmwnkhminy II

2010-07-06T18:31:00.007+07:00

I you read this, you should know that I hate you, very much, very fucking much.

I think of you every fucking minutes, and I don't give a shit about my cropped heart.

I'm trying to figure it out, what's wrong? What the hell is going on? And you know what I get? Nothing, damn it.

"It's always about you"

Yes, it is.

Cause you seem so far away. Screw you.

If you read this, I hate you, I do. But what I really hate now, is the fact, that I'm still thinking of you, and my heart aches. After this whole damn thing, I still hurt and feel sick....................... Crap.

Only Good Die Young

2010-06-29T08:26:00.008+07:00

A hand above the water
An angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in heaven -
Do you want us to cry?

I, I actually don't know what to write. Last Sunday, I got the most shocking call, B's dad has passed away. I didn't know what kind of feeling it was. I just sit and started to cry. My hands were shaking and my legs were trembling. Blank. I know her since I was 1 grade in elementary school, I know her father for 12 years, and I know, her father is her world.

And everywhere the broken-hearted
On every lonely avenue
No-one could reach them
No-one but you

It's like...... just a couple months ago, B told me that she's very scared if something happen to her father. B's father has heart problem and other complicated things. I remember about one month ago I and B rode a motorcycle to K24 near her house to buy some pills for her father. I remember when we went to a clinic near her house to ask the doctor about her father's medical check up result, the result is quite good, he's fine, but......... here I am. Still don't believe that he's already passed away.

One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
We'll remember -
Forever...

He's a good man, and B is absolutely kindest girl I've ever meet. She's my best friends. I can't help but crying behind her. But, knowing that he's a good man, and has done a lot of good things for the society, it kind of relief. I worried about B, and I can do nothing but hold her hand and hug her tight.

"Is my dad see me?"
"I don't know, nobody know"
"Because if he can't see me, so everything I do will be useless, he don't know it, and I feel guilty"
"Nobody know, but, assume he can watch over you, so it's better to do something that make he proud, wether he can see you or not"

B, remember, your dad must be rest in peace, because he has a daughter like you.
I love you, we love you.

One by one
Only the Good die young
They're only flyin' too close to the sun
Cryin' for nothing
Cryin' for no-one
No-one but you

Good men die young. 55th maybe not young again, but, B's father was absolutely a good man that has an amazingly kind daughter.

Anggap kesuksesanmu adalah wasiat Papah, laksanakan, wujudkan, kita semua disini membantumu.

PS: God, read my pray, at first, I hate to face the fact that You take B's father so fast, she's not even graduate for the God's sake, but then, this is all Your plan. You know what the best for B, but please, give her Your strength and shield. Thank you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2010-06-24T10:05:00.002+07:00

Happy birthday to my favorite boy in the earth ♥

The One

2010-06-23T00:22:00.004+07:00

D: I'm.... fluctuating, right? Like an impulsive bitch.... or whatever it's called.
H: You have different point of view, reasonable and logic. And I knew it since the very first time :)

You know what, I always think that I'm not lovable. I'm such a weird girl with not-cute-at-all laugh. I have kinda 'sharp' tongue. I think, act, and feel differently. Since you were here, I feel loved. No matter how ridiculous I am, how stupid I am, how rude I am. I've told you, one thing I always try is, to be honest. I won't give you any lie. One thing you should know, you are the one that I'll keep struggle for, the one that I'm fighting for. No promises, I just told you, what lies in my mind, now.

In The Mood of Love

2010-06-21T18:12:00.009+07:00

I'm going to write in Bahasa (& English maybe) instead of English, no reason, I just want to. Maybe it will be easier for me to write in Bahasa AND English tee-hee.

So, here we go, here are some snapshot from last Saturday night. We went to a small caffe named "Peacock Caffe".

Kenapa menunya ditulis di dinding? Karena eh karena, disini kalo mau pesen, langsung ke kasir, bilang pesanannya apa, trus langsung bayar. Nanti kalo pesenan kita jadi, kita ngambil sendiri di meja samping kasir. Disitu udah tersedia gula, sedotan, dll. Self service istilahnya, jadi inget waktu di Korea, semua kita yang melakukan sendiri, sampe buang sampah bekas pesanan kita. Kalau di Peacock Cafe ini sih, belum sampai ke buang sampah dan menaruh gelas-gelas kosong sendiri sih, mungkin besok-besok kalau cara begini sudah umum dilakukan di caffe-caffe, bisa terwujud juga self service yang tertib :D

Konsep ini bagus juga lho, selain praktis, banyak juga penghematan yang dilakukan. Dengan tidak ada menu yang tertulis di kertas, kita sudah menghemat penggunaan kertas. Begitu juga dengan mengambil gula dan sedotan sendiri. Kita jadi gak akan iseng ngebuang-buang gula atau mainan sedotan. Simpel dan hemat :)

Tempatnya termasuk kecil & agak sempit untuk ukuran caffe-caffe di Jogja. FYI, caffe ini terletak di dalam hotel Mustokoweni, di bagian lobby nya. Interiornya pun mengikuti konsep hotel itu, unique dan sekali lagi, simpel. Tapi jangan khawatir, rame-rame juga bisa kok dateng kesini. Di luar juga ada beberapa meja yang bisa dipake.

Minuman yang dijual disini engga jauh beda dari menu-menu yang ditawarkan di caffe kebanyakan. Tapi rasanya jauh lebih enak dari yang dijual di caffe-caffe yang memasang harga sepantaran. Minuman favorit sejauh ini...... belum ada. Belum nyoba semua sih, tapi dari dua yang sudah dicoba, enak semua, hehe :D Kalau si Pipit sih jatuh cinta sama White Mint, campuran susu dan mint. Untuk snack nya favorit saya sejauh ini jatuh pada Apple Pie nya! :D

Daaaaan ini nih yang bikin saya dan Pipit jatuh cinta tiba-tiba, live music nya! Mungkin karna malam minggu, malam itu ada dua orang yang menghibur pengunjung dengan bebrapa lagu jazz manca dan beberapa lagu indo lawas. Penyanyi nya cantik dan bersuara bagus, seorang lagi pemain piano (ada piano kecil di lobby hotel yang bisa dipakai) pria. Baguuus banget, kebetulan lagi, playlist nya sama dengan playlist di iTunes, hehe :) Salah seorang pengunjung kemudian ikut menyanyi diiringi mas pemain piano. Lagi-lagi mba cantik bersuara bagus. :)

Perbincangan bersama Pipit pasti berakhir menyenangkan. We had such a nice conversation, we talk about relationship, life, decision, sex, love, music, thought, no boundaries. We share everything even silent :) Pipit is such an introvert girl, dia engga sering curhat (beda banget sama saya hehe) dan jarang bicara tentang apa yang dia pikirkan ke banyak orang. Di tengah-tengah perbincangan kita tentang pasangan dan hubungan, tiba-tiba dia bilang "Tuuh kaan, kalo sama kamu tuh aku bisa ngomong macem-macem!" Hehe, me too Pit, saya juga selalu menikmati sesi berdiskusi dengan sahabat saya yang kuliah di fakultas sebelah ini. We've been friends for last 3 years, tapi kok kita bisa nyambung untuk hal-hal yang saya sendiri kadang sulit mengutarakannya, seems like we've been friends for 10 years or even more :) Kita memang nyambung, tapi bukan berarti berpendapat sama. Kalau kata Pipit, ibarat Thesisnya sama, tapi metode nya beda. Ah dasar anak komunikasi, ada aja bahasanya :D

Even more, she's my favorite model, dan emang dasarnya sudah hapal sama saya yang kalau motret suka tiba-tiba dan sering minta ulang, dia sabar-sabar aja jadi model saya sepanjang ngobrol dan mendengarkan live music. Malam itu kita sama-sama sedang merasa jatuh cinta. Tanpa tau dengan siapa dan karena apa. The atmosphere was full of love. We were in the mood of love, we listened to the love songs, talk about lovely thing, with the people we love, such a lovely Saturday night.

Spread the love, people, have a nice day, and since I can't discovered what love is, (yet, maybe), just be happy. Do something that make you happy, decide something that make you feels good. Be happy first before spread the happiness to the others. Xx

Early Summer

2010-06-21T15:50:00.004+07:00

Seems like my summer lost its color, and even the skies misses you.

Call me if you are ready to see me, Miss Summer :)

model: theo cahya

Life's Fact

2010-06-20T09:57:00.002+07:00

Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can

(500) Days of Summer

27

2010-06-18T18:50:00.004+07:00

I have your name tattooed, on my blood. Xx

Post-It

2010-06-07T22:09:00.003+07:00

Welcoming June, I heard he say he miss me. Oh only if I could say I'm not. Stressed out. Final exam for this semester, and a lot of assignment too. Dieeeeeeeeee

Why do you end it?

2010-06-06T09:49:00.004+07:00

Why don't you sit right down and stay awhile? We like the same things and I like your style. Its not a secret, why do you keep it? I'm just sitting on the shelf ;)

When I Saw The Break of Day

2010-06-06T07:45:00.003+07:00

I wish that I could fly away.....................

Fabulous, Fabulous!

2010-06-05T22:12:00.008+07:00

Did I mention about UGM BNI Jazz 2010? It was AWESOMELY tiring. It was a big event with hilarious team. I took a part as Publication & Documentation, sub division Media Center. Actually my job description was make a good relation with press, but, in fact I was more like assistant coordinator of Publication & Documentation division. Extremely tired and full of pressure (something I didn't expected before).

Bimo, me, and Iwe, my lovely media center mate \m/

Another picture is coming soon, waiting for the photographer to give me a bunch of photo of ME. Muhahahahahhaha >:)

This media center thingy was a great experience. I had so much fun though, and I got so many impressive friends. I also met some problem, but, what I've learned from those hell-ish situation, there'll always a solution for every problem, no matter how hard it is, and the most important instrument is, your dear mate.

courtesy: ugm bni jazz's photographer a.k.a. my bunny

It felt good when I randomly search UGM BNI Jazz 2010 on twitter and found a lot of good responses! Haha I was like smiling all night ;) But, the best feeling was when I found a good review about UGM BNI Jazz 2010 on some local news paper and national television news program! I believe, it was because of our hard work in media center (kidding) :p Thank you thank you and thank you and see you on Economics Jazz Live 14th!

Love, D

ps: more photos please visit the photographer's blog

Space Bar

2010-05-13T00:22:00.005+07:00

I need free time. And Inspiration, something spicy and sexy. Feels like I'm wasting my time for college thingy. ASSignment and quizzes. College life is cruel ya' know. I have no time for my self.

Btw, I took a part on UGM BNI Jazz, as publication and documentation division, media center. My job is about taking care of press, make sure everything run the regulation well. My friend, Bintang, is the photographer now. I'm very happy that she's come with us. She's really good at photography and hard worker :)

I also become finance manager at KPA, Keluarga Paduan Angklung at my faculty. It's tiring, but me and my friends are really excited about it. We make some proposal to the faculty, buy a set of Angklung it self, searching for bass betot, open recruitment for angklung player, and so on. Hard work hard work hard work! :D

I enjoy it, the KPA and UGM BNI Jazz thingy, and errrr ok, the assignment and task, but I do need my free and creative time. Some photo shoot or attending to some gigs would be nice :)

UPDATE: Me and my bf went to a gig at Kridosono Stadium last Saturday. The guest star is the one and only Sheila On 7!! I have their first album when I was 10 yo or something, it was my first cassette. It was totally AWESOME, you know, it's already 10 years since I listened to them, and now I saw them live :D We sang along almost all of the song (it's kinda surprised me how I know all of those lyrics) and I was like screaming every time the band started to play a song. We jump, headbang, and screaming. Bf looked at my crazy reaction and made a cute face then start to jump with me :D My hair was wet caused the water from "blanwir" I was like grinning all the time, we were happy even tough our secret plan didn't work cause the sky was totally clear. We need drizzle and romantic song........... If you know what I mean ehe. :p

....disaat kita bersama diwaktu kita tertawa menangis merenung oleh cinta......

....kini tiba waktuku, untuk puitiskan sayang, untuk katakan cinta........

....kita ini yang terhebat, kesombongan dimasa muda yang indah.......

....Ku tlah berjanji dapat cinta malam ini, tapi hujan badai telah datang menemaniku....

...bersama kita bagai hutan dan hujan, aku ada karna kau telah tercipta...

....bapak-bapak bersiap sajalah tuk lepas buah hatimu....

....dan jangan takut, jangan layu, pada semua cobaan yang menerpamu....

....kupercaya apapun yang akan terjadi nanti, kau tetap pesona rahasia di lagu ini....

......bersenang senang lah karna waktu ini akan kita rindukan dihari nanti...

...hingga nanti disuatu pasti, salah satu dari kita mati sampai jumpa dikehidupan yang lain...

Pernah

2010-04-20T18:49:00.005+07:00

Aku pernah berjuang, buat seseorang yang pada awalnya liat aku aja engga, bahkan liat-liat yg lainnya

Aku dulu berjuang, buat seseorang, yang udah berhasil aku gandeng tangannya, tapi bukan pikirannya.

Aku tetep berjuang, buat seseorang yg ngakunya sayang sama aku, tapi kenyataannya hatinya bukan cuma buat aku.

Aku terus berjuang, buat seseorang yg dihatinya cuma ada aku, tapi engga sensitif sama sekali...

Sampe orang itu bener-bener liat aku, cuma sayang aku, dan mau belajar dari kesalahan-kesalahannya.

Dan sampe sekarang............ I'm still fighting for him. Do I struggle too much?

Door

2010-04-17T13:29:00.007+07:00

When will you go home?

and...............

..........................................Where will you go home? Mine?

Critical Story

2010-04-16T16:40:00.013+07:00

Dream.

Are you dreaming about me?

Don't you know that you always there? In my dream?

Somewhere out there, you were mine,

We were hiding in the save place, talking about nothing. You kissed me million time, and I just can't help but holding you tight..............

Everything about us was to good to be true.

Dream, may I dream of you?

Duotone

2010-04-13T12:20:00.014+07:00

Accompany my parents for their meeting at Kopi Luwak Malioboro Mall with Om Alex and his friends. Suddenly getting bored then I took some random photos of him.

When we just about to leave, a waitress ask us (not right to Om Alex) "Alex Komang right?" then my

dad answer "Ask to him!" Om Alex said "No, I'm just similar to him" (in funny way if you know what I mean) The girl hysterically said "Yes, you are! Wait a minute, let me take my cellphone!"

Technicolor

2010-04-13T11:44:00.006+07:00

Private date with lover. Nice conversation about faith and life. Do what you believe, believe what you do. Red is red because you believe it's red, or because other people told you that it's red? Decide your own live people!

2010-04-03T22:34:00.006+07:00

So don't you worry about people hanging around, they ain't bringing us down. I know you and you know me and that's why I say....

New World To Face Start With Kindness

2010-03-16T19:35:00.012+07:00

"If you have a particular faith or religion, that is good. But you can survive without it."

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive."

"Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion. "

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. "

- Dalai Lama

Selamat Hari Raya Nyepi Tahun Baru Saka 1932

Religion is the mission, being kind to the others is the vision.

Welcome my new world to face :)

Don't Mind, It's Midnight Mind

2010-03-15T03:00:00.003+07:00

Well, hello midnight therapy, when all you can hear is your self.

Actually I shouldn't type anything right now. I have 7 am mathematical economics class, and kind of pre-test. But that's the reason why I put my eyes on the monitor instead of those heavy books.

I never wanted this. Really.

I never ever think that I'll take this for my bachelor program. Moreover, my first impression with economics sucject was really bad. The teacher was freakin weird. He was like talk to him self in front of the class. And he has nothing to do with our boringness. Then I took nature science in second grade of high school, bye bye economics thingy!

But, I don't know why, I never get a along with high school. The atmosphere, school mates, and also the subject. Nothing feels right, I'm not in to it, the subject were not interesting at all. The target was to get the highest mark. Physics, chemistry, Bahasa Indonesia, math, biology, English, art, P.E., and blablablablaa.............. High school was...... boring.

It was my 3rd grade, last year at high school, I was thinking like, "Yay, finally! I'll decide it by my own!" Psychology, law, criminology or communication (actually I also think about majoring philosophy, but I wasn't really sure) But, (there's always but in my past) my parents forced me to majoring economics&business. Then yeah, here I am student of faculty economics and business, management of Gadjah Mada University. Great, another 3-boring-study-years huh?

I've tried my best so far. My mark isn't really that bad. Well, maybe if I pour some spirit in to my routine boring soup I can get a better mark, but whatsoever. Hey, I have no passion here, what are you expected?

I'll back to my mathecon 's book, 3 hours to go. Ciao!

QOTD

2010-03-14T20:50:00.007+07:00

Love your enemy. But don't forget he is not your friend

-Paulo Coelho-

Believe me, people that hate you w/o having a rational reason, are never better than you.

And sometimes, you haven't done something wrong at all.

They just jealous, that's it. So, love everyone, trust a few :)

Countdown

2010-03-14T01:24:00.008+07:00

H: *liat jam tangan*
D: ...
H: *meluk*
5 detik... 10 detik... 15 detik...
D: Kamu mati?
H: *lepas peluk* Happy second anniversary...
D: *blushing, kiss on the cheek* Kita kan jadiannya jam 6 sore..
H: *merengut* Aaah merusak! yang diitung kan harinya!
D: Hehe maluu *light kiss*

143-24 ♥

What Lies On My Mind

2010-03-12T20:07:00.009+07:00

I always think that I'm different.

I don't have a normal family.

I got bad child-memories.

I think and act differently. I smile and laugh cause I have to. I don't care what my feelings should be. I treated to. I used to.............................

I swear, you don't know me. No body know me. Even my parents, they might be know me for my whole life time. But, don't you guys know what lies in my heart? In my mind? No. You just don't.

Friends, they are hilarious, I love them, but sometimes, I'm afraid to show them the real me. Wait, the real me? Who am I? What actually lies in my mind? Oh crap, what did i write?

Sometimes, I try to imitate somebody's positiveness. It feels so wrong but also have a good impact. Someone said, "Be your self!" but the other told me, "Hey, look at him, can you try to be nice like him?" But maybe you would say "Don't hear other people say, just do what you wanna do" But hey, you just say it right? How dare you say I don't need to listen to what other people say? Paradox, everything about me is paradox.

I wish I could be normal. Positive, and normal. Don't you love me? Oh, you just love what I've shown to you.

pop

2010-03-08T10:41:00.005+07:00

Hati emang enggak pernah bohong, tapi bukan berarti engga pernah salah kan?

-Dunia Mereka

Heart never lies, but it doesn't mean it never go wrong, right?

Random

2010-02-28T22:51:00.016+07:00

It's amazing right, when a piece of photo can give you a thousand of feelings, bring you back a million memories, and make you think a hundred times.

Sometimes we need to think a couple of hours to get what the meaning of a piece of photo, and still don't get anything. Maybe, we don't need to think, just feel it. I do, I usually don't think about "how a good photo should be" I just do my own way. I don't really care about the lighting, composition, shadow, do and don't.....etc, as long as I enjoy it.

I'm not really a good photographer. I just love to capture a moment. A laugh, a cry, a loving couple, an abstract figure, a beautiful creature, anything! Even just a random shoot, everything has a reason, a story to tell.

Happy "clicking" ;)

Love, D

23

2010-02-17T21:09:00.005+07:00

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh?' he whispered.

'Yes, Piglet?'

'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'

-A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

................ yes, I'm sure, at least, for now ♥

A Letter

2010-02-13T20:16:00.004+07:00

All the things we have done, everything, was great.

But can you stop this tears to tells the truth?

Can you stop this hurt-heart-beat?

Can you stop the unstable feelings?

God, do You have an email account?

Wish You have a good connection there.

Love, D

Another routine

2010-02-11T12:26:00.005+07:00

I'll miss the ocean breeze

I'll miss my free night

I'll miss the lazy noon

I'll miss my 10 o'clock alarm

I'll miss driving-in-easy-way

I'll miss the DVD marathon

I'll miss boyfriend's visit at night

I'll miss holiday

So much. ♥

2010-02-10T19:34:00.004+07:00

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.

Coco Chanel

Mind Night

2010-02-09T03:03:00.006+07:00

"I don’t want to be a victim of a broken heart

I don’t want to put myself into another mess no

I don’t want to be a fool and make a big mistake

I’ve should’ve known better, but it’s alright

Cause I’m in to you"

February

2010-02-09T01:28:00.011+07:00

Feeling so wrong that I didn't post any new-year-ish post. But yeah, whatever, happy 2010 people, get a better life :)

Well, such a long time after my last post, so how was your January? It's February already, and I used to love it. Because, 1. College isn't started yet 2. It's closer to March ♥

How about your holiday? Me? Not really that bad. I started my holiday by picnicking with lovers to the beach, Drini beach. It was a sunny day with breeze.

Don't you love the beach? Hurry go grab your holiday and go to Drini Beach, it's located at Wonosari Yogyakarta, Indonesia

Another semester stress is haunting me. College is hard you know, full of rush and pressure. Thanks God I'm not involved in any(one's) drama. High school drama is enough. Let me get some real pain in the ass. My IPS (indeks prestasi semester) is not good enough, but so far I pass all of them. Believe it or not I get straight A for religion and Pancasila. Such a surprise for me.

For the senior at high school, do your best, the exam is getting closer right? Don't mind to ask me about the PBS thingy, such a pleasure to help you guys :)

My own drama, let's called it with relationship.......................... so far so................. so so. Haha. I don't know how to describe it, it goes up and down in every second. There was a silent week. I just felt so sick of the relationship thingy, and I did make him down, that made me feel like a crap. Finally I was crying on his arm,

"I'm scared...... I'm scared that someday you'll be tired of me, and give up....... If you really want to go, just go now, I'm such a crap. I'm a mess........ One second I hate you like much I just wanna runaway, but in another second, I love you so much that I don't wanna let you go. I'm scared, H"

Honestly, that's exactly what I feel that time. And telling him the truth, is all that I need. He said that he feels the same thing, and he loves me so much that he wont leave me. I don't know, I don't know what should I do then. I just hit and run. One thing I know, we are trying, to make it worth.

Drama.

Is it really that worth it?

I'm working on it.

Have a nice February everyone, spread the love ♥

Now, and maybe then..

2010-01-02T17:05:00.005+07:00

It's good to see your sleeping face right after I open my eyes :}

Currently Listening :

2009-12-30T14:02:00.004+07:00

D-Day

2009-12-30T06:51:00.005+07:00

It's almost 2010

♥--- ☀☁☂☃ ---♥

Peluk

2009-12-30T00:43:00.005+07:00

Setiap pelukan itu, punya arti lebih dari 5000 kata.

Air mata yang menetes, punya cerita lebih banyak dari perbincangan 5 jam.

Kamu jarang bicara. Tapi satu dua kalimatmu disaat yang pas, cukup untuk membuatku bungkam. Disela pelukmu, kamu sempat berbisik. Tepat di telinga.

"Aku sayang kamu. Jangan tinggalin aku ya.."

Aku merapatkan mukaku dipundakmu. Seluruh dunia juga tau itu! kata hatiku, Seluruh dunia juga tau aku mencintaimu! lanjut hatiku, berteriak dalam diamnya. Asal kamu tahu, jauh sebelum ini, aku sudah lebih dulu membaca firasat itu. Menerimanya yang sulit. Dan sekarang, aku akan membalas ucapanmu dalam peluk itu. Peluk dalam diam yang menghantarkan banyak rasamu. Pelukmu yang berbicara. Kamu terburu pergi waktu itu.

Aku juga sayang kamu. Lebih. Lebih dari yang aku sadari. Lebih dari yang aku tau. Kita terlalu lama bersama. Aku sampai hafal perubahan raut mukamu. Intensitas pelukanmu. Wajah terlukamu saat harus pergi disaat yang tidak kau ingini.

"Kamu engga apa-apa kan aku tinggal?" tanyamu berusaha datar.

Sejatinya aku tau, kamu bertanya pada dirimu sendiri. Mencari bantuan untuk merelakan kepergianmu sendiri. Aku tau itu. Aku tau, karna aku juga begitu.

Aku tidak akan meninggalkanmu, sayang. Kalaupun ada perpisahan nantinya (kamu pasti memandangku sebal sekarang) bukan karna ada yang pergi. Bukan karna yang satu duduk diam dan yang lain memutuskan untuk berjalan lebih dulu. Bukan. Semua berjalan, semua berproses maju, walau tidak berdampingan. Jadi jangan pernah berpikir aku akan meninggalkanmu. Tidak masuk dalam logikaku. Logika yang sering kamu bantah dengan jalan pikirmu yang lebih luas, lebih abstrak.

Dekapanmu menguat. Aku melemaskan badan menyesuaikan. Menumpukan berat badan sepenuhnya padamu. Memejamkan mata. Dalam gelap suara hati tak perlu teriak hanya untuk didengar. Satu kecupan di bibirmu dariku. Dalam. Lama. Diam. Semoga kecupanku juga berbicara.

Top Words 1#

2009-12-29T21:29:00.004+07:00

sweet isn't? :p

ok, pardon me, I do really wanna write a long-serious post. But it's just to cute to be ignored r8?

♥♥♥

pissed off

2009-12-28T21:30:00.004+07:00

feeling unwanted. screwed. I never mean to hurt anyone. why is it so hard? better to leave it instead I think.

Greeting

2009-12-25T12:01:00.000+07:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Joy to the world!

pogrešan

2009-12-24T14:38:00.002+07:00

Suddenly missing you. Hey, how are you, Dear?

Closer

2009-12-24T11:29:00.007+07:00

Lazy day.

Euh.

The exam week is getting closer

I only have 10 days to finish my assignment(s)

Sorry for the hiatus.

I'll meet you soon.

PS : Avatar is hilarious, what do you think?

Note for my self : Stand on the ground, take a deep breath, close your eyes, understand your heart, then, decide.

(Not) Live Report!

2009-12-21T00:10:00.011+07:00

Actually I'm too lazy to write, but I'll give you several photos from UGM Mandiri Jazz 2009:

Sold out!

Check sound

The committee

Showtime!

It's a wrap!!

As usual, as the photographer, I didn't captured. Hahaha, wish another photographer catch me ;}

See you next year! Xoxo