Mumbling in Time

'So this is a birthday trip? Happy birthday!'

She gave me her smile and handed me a pile of paper she did not need for the application.

'Huh? Oh... yea it is, thanks!'

If it wasn't because of that lovely lady at TLScontact who proceed my visa application, I wouldn't realised that my birthday was nearing at that time.

I decided to stop celebrating my birthday since three or four years ago. I do not want to get attached to something superficial. I still love to tell people that my birthday is near just for the sake of not frowned upon (once I told my friend about it that I hate the idea of remembering my birthday or any other my "special" day and he looked at me like I'm mad and I saw a slight of pity). The weird thing is, I love celebrating someone else's birthday. 

I still can't figure it out, why I suddenly hate the idea of commemorating my birthday, but while I type this, one reason cross my mind: I don't want to create some memories I would forget anyway, other people would forget anyway. Remembering things requires you to digging a hole in your heart, fill it with a bunch of emotions and snapshots of those moments. Then, what will happen if you forget about it, you just left with a void hole, which, who knows, it may consume you in the end, just like a black hole. You may also get mistaken, when you visit your memory lane, you think those holes contains pleasant emotions turns out you can only taste the bitterness of life. Are we still talking about birthday celebration?

But hey, it is just me. 

Happy birthday.